You Don't Cut Pizza With a Scalpel
by For Whimsy Alone
Summary: Modern AU Fic. Bonney works in her families pizzeria while Law attends medical school. The two meet one day and after a long morning Law can't help but pick on the poor pinkette. It does not end well...Slight crack. Now with added Bepo-ness!
1. Pizza Thief

Done by request via a poll. Enjoy. The supernovas need more love!

I do not own One Piece.

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><p>Plain Text<br>_Thoughts  
><em>*Footnote  
><strong>Singing<strong>

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><p><em>It was really too early in the morning to be up<em>, thought a slender woman with bright pink hair, looking a red numbers spelling out 5:00 a.m. But she had work to do. Her family owned a pizzeria, well by day anyway. At night, it served a seedier motive...

Getting dressed, she hopped downstairs to begin working, a single gluttonous thought keeping her happy. _Well at least it's all the pizza I can eat and who doesn't love pizza?_

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><p>A slender man began getting ready for the day at the same time, already being awake for hours. Insomnia was a bitch, as was med school. He was a third year medical student, who was often kept busy by his mentor, Dr. Kurhea.<p>

_That hag wants me there so early. I bet that annoying Chopper is already there._ _Well at least I have Penguin and Casquette to cover for me._

Grabbing his book bag, he left his dark room, a white lab coat swishing behind him.

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><p>Morning rounds went by swimmingly, if you can count one code blue, three angry patients, two slaps from the hag, and one death as swimmingly.<p>

A old woman in a very tight top, skinny jeans and a pair of shiny polished boots stopped in here tracks. "Cover those damn tattoos, you hooligan! You can't be a surgeon with the word death on your knuckles!" Kurhea shouted at her intern.

"I usually wear gloves so what's the big deal?" he lazily answered, not even looking up from his patient chart.

The woman's face twitched in agitation. "And when you first meet the patient and you're not wearing gloves, what kind of a message do you think it sends, you idiot?" she hissed.

"That death is a possible outcome in surgery."

And there was slap number three…

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><p>He moodily followed Penguin and Casquette to lunch. Penguin had been raving about this pizzeria he found the other day. It was a ways away, but Penguin swore it was worth it.<p>

"And there's this hot girl who brings out the pizza. She wears these little striped shorts held up by suspenders," Penguin giggled, describing said woman to his buddies.

The two soon became engrossed with making up stories of what they want to do with her. Law ignored their fantasying and hoped the food was good. He was hungry and tired, and if he expected to make it though the day, he needed his energy.

They entered a large pizzeria, called Slice of Sin. They sat down in corner booth and ordered one small chicken and spinach pizza, one large pepperoni lovers, and three cokes. Sitting in a booth, the interns discussed problem patients (under pseudo names of course) and their mentor, Dr. Kurhea. The three of them plus a mousy, nerdy runt named Chopper all worked under the old biddy.

Penguin pouted. "She's such a slave driver."

"And what's with her getting onto you for the tats? It's not a big deal nowadays; we don't live in the Stone Age," said Casquette, taking a sip of his drink.

"Yeah but that's where she's from," Law smugly answered.

"Souless bitch," griped Casquett.

"She lived so long she probably has no soul. It's already died," Penguin replied.

Laughing to themselves, they didn't notice a pink haired woman making her way over to them. She had three pizzas with her. The two they ordered and a meat lover's supreme.

"Well here's your food. Anything else?" she barked out, setting down the pizzas.

With hearts clouding their eyes, the two lesser men began showering her with compliments. "Only that such a lovely visage of beauty stay here and eat with us," Casquette cooed, his friend nodding.

Law took note of the extra pizza, the one she hadn't set down yet. "We only ordered two pizzas."

The girl practically beamed. "Oh well look at that, I guess I'll just take it back," she smiled deviously, turning around so that they didn't see. _Perfect. Works every time. Just add one pizza to the end of order before I give it to the cook and then take it back when the customer says they didn't order it. Then I can eat! I'm starved and that damn cook won't give me any food until break time. I can't wait that long!_

Law also noticed the hungry look in the woman's eye. Putting two and two together, he smirked, never being one to pass up an opportunity to mess with someone. "No, it looks good, leave it."

Bonney pursed her lips. "But you didn't order it." _Damn-it! I've had a long day with crying children, annoying customers, and there hasn't been one send back by some snob! I'm hungry damnit!_

"But now I want it," he shot back, smiling.

Putting her hands on her hips, she hissed, "Look buddy that damn chef won't feed me until me break. I need food now! So just give me the damn pizza, you jerk!"

His companions looked on at the girl sadly. Sometimes their friend couldn't help himself..."Law we can't eat another one. Just let her have it," the orange haired man pleaded.

A devious idea formed in his mind. "You have such a nice body," he skimmed her name tag. "Bonney." Watching her twitch in agitation, he continued, "You Wouldn't want to ruin it with such a fattening food now would you?" He smirked.

Bonney balled her fists, prepared to give this skinny bastard a piece of her mind. "Listen, bub,-"

Penguin and Casquette exchanged looks of horror. Their pretty pink goddess getting fat! Never!

So they quickly snatched the pizza out of her hands and began shoveling it down their throats.

"Oh it's so good, Thank-you Bonney-chan!" they sputtered though mouthfuls of pizza.

Bonney could only look on in horror. _MY LUNCH!_

Satisfaction drowned the young surgeon's face. "Please add that pizza to our check, Bonney-ya."

Resisting the urge to yell or slap the dumb bastard, the woman gritted out, "F. I. N. E. Thank-you for your patronage," she forced a shaky smile. _I will gut you!_

Law smiled and took a bite of his chicken and spinach pizza. It was very good. Perhaps he'd be coming back…

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><p>Please review!<p> 


	2. Excuse, Excuses, You're Just an ASS!

6 reviews and 129 hits!

Revenge...it does not always go according to plan.

I do not own One Piece.

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><p><span>Ultra One Piece Fan:<span> "There will be more characters later. I love all the supernovas so they'll make appearances."

Voquo: "Law and his sarcastic quips…lolz. He will tease poor Bonney."

MagCat: "This is how I picture modern life for the supernovas. And yes Kurhea is totally hypocritical, but that's what makes her a fun character to write about."

Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin: "I'm glad you like it. :P"

Footballstar: "Maybe. Hope you like the outcome."

SunflowerIce: "I can see him being a med student if he lived in our world. It will be interesting."

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><p>Plain Text<br>_Thoughts  
><em>*Footnote  
><strong>Singing<strong>

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><p>Law and his fellow interns made it back to hospital with just five minutes to spare. Sitting in the lounge, they waited for their mentor to show up. A few minutes later, the crazy old biddy threw the door open and glared at its occupants. She was tailed by that diminutive kiss-ass Chopper.<p>

Glaring, hands on her hips, she barked out her orders. "Here are your consults for the afternoon. Don't screw this up. And cover up those hideous markings!"

Law walked over to the door, grabbing the files from her. "I'll cover what's hideous on me if you cover what's hideous on you. So kindly place your entire being in a garbage bag. I'll even be nice and let you cut out some eye holes."

Penguin and Casquette snickered while Kureha aimed a kick her insolent intern's head, but was thwarted when he slipped out the room, her boot meeting the door.

She hissed in agitation. _That no good smart-ass!_ "You two! Take these and get your lazy asses to work!" She shoved two stacks of patient charts into their arms.

"YES Sir!" they shouted, running after Law.

Kureha sat down and pulled a bottle of liquor from behind the couch. Taking a swig, she decided a nap was in order.

"Chopper go supervise those numskulls," she muttered.

The small man dutifully followed his peers. He sighed. _Why does Law have to be so rude to Docterina? She is an amazingly talented doctor._

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><p>Law did nine patient consults that day. Six he successfully scheduled for surgery. The other three were absolutely retarded. They clearly needed surgical intervention. Sometimes he wished he could sign a little paper declaring them incompetent (which they were in his mind) and cart them off to the operating table. He laid on his bed, stretching out.<p>

A small plushy polar bear peeked out from his covers. He smiled when saw Bepo. Bepo was actually a real bear at the Grandline Zoo, whom Law liked to visit often. He had been given the bear as a joke, with a note attached mocking him, "If you love the bear so much, why don't you marry it?" No one knew he kept the thing, much less slept with it.

His mind drifted back to that waitress. She had been so angry he took away that pizza. He hadn't seen such unbridled anger since he was a freshman in college and had to share a room with Eustass Kidd. Now that man had some anger issues. Law smirked remembering the fun he had baiting that man, who was coincidentally the same person who had given him Bepo. He recalled his response to Eustas-ya's gift. "Why thank you, Eusatss-ya. So does mean we're a couple? Because if so, I think your habit of wearing lipstick makes you the girl." The fury present in those red eyes of his still gave Law the chills.

The redhead was an engineering student who was currently in grad school finishing out his masters. That man was a genius when it came to metal. He had a few inventions already under his belt. They kept in touch-and by that Law meant he saw him every day. Image his surprise when he learned that the redhead lived on this very floor a few doors down with a guy named Killer. There was no way that was his real name, but that's all he ever heard him to be called by. Although his mail was addressed to Mr. Killer…

If he wasn't so tired, he'd probably go bug the two. Penguin wanted him to stop, fearing that one day Kidd would snap, but he just didn't understand the thrill Law got from pissing people off. There just weren't many people who showed such raw emotion anymore. Everyone was too concerned with being politically correct and not offending anyone. Life was just like a big Barney special. The tan man shivered in disgust.

They all wore fake smiles or feigned indifference. It was…refreshing to see the other side of it. Pure free passionate anger. Law licked his lips. Or maybe he was simply justifying his excuse to be an ass... He chuckled darkly.

Grabbing a box with his leftovers he finished the pizza. Even cold it was still good. Yes, he'd visit Bonney-ya tomorrow.

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><p>She was going to kill that jackass! She had to wait a whole half an hour before that damn cook would feed her! And how dare he comment on her weight. She was not fat! NOT FAT!<p>

And those idiots he was with. Scarfing down her lunch! "UGH!" she bellowed, stomping her feet in frustration.

The pink haired woman was seething as she walked home. She lived in a nice manor with her family. Many wondered why she worked as damn pizza waitress. But her family only used that as a front. She was the daughter of a notorious mobster and they used that restaurant to launder money. Currently they had four locations. It was a pretty sweet set-up. As she was expected to take over one day, she had to learn the ropes. She was actually assistant manager at her father's main pizzeria but she did waitress work because it was hard to find girls they could trust and it was a known fact that customer liked good looking waitresses.

Walking into the living room, she ran into one of father's top dogs, Capone Bege. He nodded to her. They didn't really talk much. Bonney found him to be boring and he thought her rude. But he was competent, so she let it slide.

He usually stayed with them when he was in town. Normally he ran another pizzeria in a nearby town. But today was important. There was a big meeting going on. They were having some trouble with the law ad were currently being watched. Chief Garp visited daily-the man was insane. And if that wasn't bad enough, he brought his two monster grandsons with him. Retard one would fall asleep while eating which scared off customers and retard two's eating habits usually disgusted people. So the dysfunctional family had their own booth in the back.

_Oh well at least my chef here will always cook for me._ Her daddy had given her a personal chef for her last birthday. This man was amazing, if a bit eccentric. But whatever, he worshiped the ground she walked on, so who cares?

At that very moment, said idiot noodle danced out of the kitchen, a delicious aroma greeting her nose when the door swung open.

"Bonney-chan, my sweet, I have prepared a feast in your honor. Would the lady please grace me with her presence?" Sanji knelt down and held her hand.

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah yeah cut the crap Romeo, I've famished." She lit up when she saw all the food. Sanji sighed, lovingly watching her devour everything. _Such a beauty to finish off all the fruits of my labor with such flourish. You are too kind, sweet goddess!_

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><p><span>The next day:<span>

When lunch rolled around, Law bid his fellow interns goodbye and made his way to Slice of Sin. Casquette had wanted ramen and Law did his best work alone anyway.

He entered the restaurant, the little jingle of bells signaling his entrance. A forceful feminine voce met his ears.

"Hi and welcome to Slice of Sin. What may I get for you today?" Bonney looked up, seeing the jerk from yesterday. "YOU!" she sputtered.

"Good-day Bonney-ya. What's today's special?"

Recovering from her shock, the pinkeete smirked. "A big helping of I'm going to kick your scrawny ass followed by your just desserts."

"Hm, that's no good. Look like you might need a vision test because your chalkboard clearly reads, 'Today's Special hot ham and cheese pizza and all you can eat salad bar.' I can give you that vision test if you'd like. I am a doctor," he complacently replied. He could see the anger building, small flickers appearing in her violet eyes. But he kept his face placid, devoid of either the smirk or predatory gleam that longed to escape.

She huffed. "What are you doing here asshole?"

Ignoring her jibe, he replied, "That pizza was just too good to pass up. I had to come back."

"Pfft," she turned form him, preparing to leave. She didn't have time for some jackass.

"Bonney-ya aren't you going to take my order?" he asked, grabbing a menu.

She heard the clang of a pizza pan. Looking behind her she saw the cook eyeing her. _Dammit, he'll tell Daddy if I'm rude. _She plastered a smile on, the ends of her mouth twitching in annoyance. "What would you like to order, sir?"

_That smile barely contains her annoyance. I wonder who long it will take to get her to explode?_ "Oh I don't know. What do you recommend?"

"The special is very good," she gritted out.

He put his index and thumb around his chin, feigning contemplation. "No that won't do," he said thoughtfully, stroking his chin. "What about a meat lover's supreme?" he asked with fake innocence.

Bonney's eyes flashed. _DAMN FUCKING ASSHOLE! I WILL HUNT HIM DOWN!_ "Right away, sir," she hissed, stomping away angrily.

Law chose a booth in the corner, hidden from the light. Another server took his drink order. Bonney disappeared from view until fifteen minutes later when she brought out his order. In her head she laughed victoriously. _Revenge is almost as good as food._

She didn't even bother with an extra pizza. "What no mistake this time? You disappoint me," Law chided. The angry aura swirling around her was almost too much. He grinned.

_If I can't enjoy this pizza, no one will._ She 'tripped', dropping the hot gooey mess all over the tattooed man. He bit back a yelp; the pizza was piping hot!

"Oops. I guess that was my mistake for the day. Sorry, sir," she said, mischief present in her voice.

Recovering rather quickly, the young man grabbed a piece off himself and ate it. "And it's still so good," he added. He saw the anger, it giving him a high few other things could achieve. He clamped his mouth shut so that he didn't openly lick his lips. _Yes, go crazy…let it all out._

Bonney was livid. Her revenge hadn't even fazed the obnoxious man! She felt the fury build-she raised her fist, ready to punch the crap out the brunette, when a big, burly arm caught her. It was that damn cook! She had to get back at this creep. A flash of light caught her eye. Looking at his jacket, she read Grandline Hospital Dr. L. Trafalgar on a golden nameplate. _I will get you._

The cook had come rushing out, apologizing profusely and ordering Bonney to get him another pizza and anything he wanted as it was on the house. He even offered to let Law borrow something to wear, an offer which the man politely declined saying he had spares at the hospital. _Its too bad that cook interrupted her...it was just getting exciting._

As he left, a small smile gracing his usually somber features, he thought,_ This is going to be the beautiful start of a wonderful 'friendship._' Law smiled in a disturbing manner, as he walked back to the hospital.

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><p>It took a bit longer to write than expected. Stupid tests! Oh well. Review or no update! Just kidding…well sort of. :P<p> 


	3. The Poor Fuzzy Hostage Part 1

13 reviews and 436 hits!

Innocent bystanders always suffer…

I do not own One Piece.

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><p><span>Ultra One Piece Fan: "<span>Good. Keeping them in a modern setting but still in character is what takes me longest."

Voquo: "She will try again. And who knows, she might succeed…"

MagCat: "I kinda feel bad for chopper, but oh well. There will be more one piece characters thrown in from time to time."

Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin: "There will be. Just not now…"

footballstar: "Or what Bonney does in retaliation. :P"

SunflowerIce: "The bear will make more appearances…"

xLostStar: "Law is a very lovable ass. It's probably because he's so cute. And the bear helps."

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><p>Plain Text<br>_Thoughts  
><em>*Footnote  
><strong>Singing<strong>

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><p>Bonney was furious when she left work at five. Her revenge didn't work! But now she knew where the bastard worked. She was going to give a call to an old friend. That crazy bastard always knew the best way to get back at someone. She chuckled maliciously…<p>

Her good friend gave her lots of interesting information about Law. Turns out he knew the bastard. _Duh, of course all bastards know each other. I bet they have secret I'm a big bastard meetings where they talk about all the douche-bag things they do. _She thought with a snort.

She made her way to the Red Line apartment complex where her good old buddy was waiting.

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><p>Law was still at the hospital at 8:30. Surgery ran overtime…but it was exciting. Nothing beat the fast paced rush he got when a surgery took an unexpected turn and he had only his skills to rely on. Live or die, it all depended on him. One mistake could prove fatal…he shivered just thinking about it. It really was like playing god and in this screwed up world, what role was more fun? Nothing. He grinned darkly.<p>

He had a productive day. Eight successful consults, three surgeries, and only one death treat. It was a good day. The brunette managed to hide his mentor's liquor and accidently lock that kiss-ass in a storage closet. He shouldn't get people up from their naps and then expect to be treated kindly. Really what was wrong with him?

The doctor in training made his way home, intent on getting some well-deserved sleep. He unlocked his door and plopped on his bed. A note lay there_. How did that get there? The door is locked and Penguin and Casquette aren't back yet…_

He read the note:

Dear Dr. Assfuck,

I have your precious bear. If you don't come to address listed below and beg for my forgiveness, I'll be sending teddy-bear parts in the mail to you every day until you do. You aren't so tough. What kind of grown man sleeps with a bear? Loser.

J. Bonney :P

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><p>Law was in shock, the ranson note falling form his elegant fingers to the ground. She had Bepo! No one threatened his Bepo! <em>How did she get in here? And how does she know I love Bepo? Not even my roommates know about Bepo…<em>

He clenched the note and decided to go to the listed address.

It took him fifteen minutes to make it to the nicer part of town. The walk had calmed him down. He came up with a way to dissolve the situation without apologizing, get back Bepo, and screw with her in the process. _You bit off more than you chew this time Miss. Pizza-holic. No one can best me when it comes to revenge._

He stared at her 'house'_. She lives in a mansion? Why is she a waitress? There might be more to Bonney-ya than meets the eye. I knew I my instincts were right about her..._

He rang the doorbell and was quickly met with the pinkette.

She was grinning at him. "Here for you teddy-bear, Doctor Baby-san?" she cooed.

"I did not realize we were in that kind of relationship, Bonney-ya. You work as fast as you eat," he quipped.

A tick mark showed up on her usually beautiful face. Law grinned. It was just too easy.

Suddenly a swirl of black whooshed past him, and aimed a kick at his head, which he barely dodged. Years with Kurhea had given him that ability.

"DON'T YOU DARE UPSET MY DELICATE BONNEY-SWAN! YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF HER LOVE!" a young blonde man shouted.

Boney rolled her eyes. _If only that kick had landed. Impressive though. It's hard to dodge Sanji._

Hands on her hips, she issued out a command. "Sanji, the chair."

"Aye, Bonney-sawn!" And he noodle danced away bringing a chair in. A chair Bepo was tied to! It took all of Law's almighty control not to give away his fear.

"So start begging, bear-boy," she ordered, smiling from ear to ear. _I will get my revenge. You will taste defeat. And it will be delicious._

"I'm afraid you're confused Miss. Bonney-ya. I came to humor you. The bear means nothing," he stoically replied. _His fur is probably getting matted by that tightly bound rope..._he thought sadly.

She rolled her eyes. "Can-it. I have proof you love this damn thing." She threw some photos at him.

His eyes widened when he picked them up. They showed him cuddling with Bepo. _How is it possible she got these? Who took them? They will die, methodically as I dissect them alive on an operating table._ He quickly schooled his features. "It's just Photoshop," he satted matter-of-factly.

She grinned deviously. "No its not. They come from a very reliable source." _Heh, as the daughter to a powerful mob boss, I have more connections than you could ever imagine._

"I am afraid you are mistaken. Why would I sleep with a bear?" he asked.

"Oh, so it doesn't matter what I do?" She leered, hands on her hips. Law nodded.

"Sanji!" she shouted._ Its sort of cute he loves a bear so much..._

The blonde pulled a knife out of thin air and aimed it at Bepo. Law's eyes went wide. The blonde lifted the knife and went for Bepo's poor little nose.

"BEPO!" the young surgeon shouted, unable to fake indifference any longer.

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><p>Review or the bear gets it. I'll be updating in two days. :P I had three test this week and I felt like being mean and leaving a cliffy. Really its to punish the friends who stole my scribble book. I got it back yesterday! Evil laughter...<p>

I also have a poll out on what you think about fics making the transition to M or not. Check it out please.


	4. The Poor Fuzzy Hostage Part 2

23 reviews and 778 hits!

My teddy-bear!

I do not own One Piece.

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><p><span>Ultra One Piece Fan: <span>"I loved writing about the bear hostage."

Voquo: "But it's funny to see Law fidget."

Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin: "You cannot save Bepo. What about Bonney?"

Page-Mistress: "Shh, quit running my plot bunnies!"

Zeronumber96: "Glad you thought it was funny."

SunflowerIce: "It is cruel, but damn funny as well."

Clumsy0132: "Thanks for the love."

Spadille: "I don't think Law uses it as a proper adjective/suffix. He just says it to anyone, so I'm keeping it."

xLostStar: "Law has to save Bepo from the evil pink-haired devil."

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><p>Plain Text<br>_Thoughts  
><em>*Footnote  
><strong>Singing<strong>

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><p>Bonney raised her hands, signaling for Sanji to stop. He lifted the knife and stepped back.<p>

"Guess you do love your teddy bear," she taunted, walking over to the man. When she stood but a foot away she ordered, "Now apologize for stealing my pizza and getting me in trouble!"_Revenge is so sweet. Look at you sweat._

Law clenched his hands to his sides. "How did you know about Bepo?" he asked, anger lacing his usually calm voice.

She smiled sinisterly, before grabbing a previously unnoticed laptop from a small table. She pressed play on a video causing a very familiar redhead appeared on the screen.

Teeth gritted in response. "You!" Law hissed, staring at the smirking face of one Eustass Kidd.

"Hey Assfuck," the man smirked. "Not happy to see me? Well now you know how I feel every time I have to see your ugly mug," he grinned. " Bonney told me you were giving her a hard time and I just can't leave an old friend out in the cold."

And just as quickly as that smirk graced his face, it abruptly melted off, replaced by searing anger. "Plus I hate you! What the hell gives you the right to sign me up for a gay porn magazine subscription? ! No one shuts up about it and every time I cancel it, another one shows up on my doorstep. If I get one more funny look when I'm with Killer, I will destroy you!" the redhead howled.

Despite the situation, Law grinning. _Oh Eustass-ya..._

Kidd sighed and continued. "I was saving these bear pics for the ultimate revenge, but Bonney offered to sponsor my latest project. Seriously, like I can't pick a lock-it's made of metal you dumbass," he sneered.

The rehead's grin grew even wider as he finished his message. "Oh and everyone knows about the damn bear. Me, Killer, Penguin, Casquette…everyone. Can't believe you actually kept the thing. Later, asshole," Kidd waved with an evil smirk.

The video cut off, leaving a stunned Law. But Bonney wouldn't give him time to process this.

She walked next to Bepo, grabbing the knife from Sanji's hand, who fainted at her mere touch. "Well, Bear-boy, what's it going to be?" _And I'm recording this to share with Kidd later._

Law stilled, pondering what he could do. Begging was not an option. But he couldn't let harm befall Bepo. And all this information from Kidd was swimming in his head. _I will get you Eustass-ya. Just wait. _What he needed now was time to think…"How do you know, Eustass-ya?" he asked, hoping to stall.

"We both grew up in a little neighborhood called South Blue. He lived a few doors down from me. Neither of our parents were in much so we took care of ourselves. Kidd's one hell of a partner in crime." She smiled, remembering her childhood fondly.

Law smirked. He had a plan. "So you played together. How very quaint."

Bonney glared at Law. "Quiet bear-boy or I'll slice his cute little nose off." She threatened, with her hands on her hips.

"Does tormenting others turn you on, Bonney-ya?" Law asked, in that eerily calm manner that pissed Bonney off.

Confused, Bonney stared at him. _What the hell is this creep going on about?_

"Miss. Bonney, I can see proof of your arousal." He said pointing at her chest, implying that her nipples were hard. _This had better work or I'm screwed._

The pinkette froze and looked down in mortification, while Law sprinted to free his beloved bear. He didn't have much time so he pulled his trusty scalpel from his pocket and cut the ropes, grabbing his friend and then taking off. Bonney blushed heavily when she realized that she had been bamboozled. _You jerk! That was a low blow!_

"Sanji get him!" she ordered, but he pervert was passed out due to the massive nosebleed which resulted from thinking about what Law had said. Little hearts danced in his eyes. Bonney stomped her foot in frustration, kicking the blonde hard in the side. "Useless idiot!"

Law ran out the door, and down the street. _No one will ever hurt you Bepo._

"I WILL GET YOU BEAR BOY IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!" the angry woman shouted form her porch.

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><p>Law ran all the way home. When he got there he examined Bepo for any sign of injury. Aside from a bit of dirt on him, no doubt from being tied up with those filthy ropes, the bear was fine.<p>

The brunette breathed a sigh of relief as he went to wash his bear. The washer was too rough, so Law took the stuffed animal to the sink for a good hand-washing.

"There all better." He said, drying off Bepo with a hairdryer. When he finished, he examined his bear in the mirror…something was off but he couldn't put his finger on it…

That's when he noticed that this bear still had its tag. The same tag which Law removed (very carefully with a precision grade needle as to not injure Bepo) because it bothered him. This wasn't Bepo! He grabbed the tag and read, "SUCKER!" in bold pink lettering.

While he stood in horrid silence, in disbelief that he had been tricked, the phone rang. In a trance he picked it up.

"Hey bear-boy, did you actually think I'd be stupid enough to just leave your bear out in the open? I know how sneaky you are, Kidd gave me a heads up. I still have Bepo and these lovely embarrassing pictures. And now I know you love this damn thing,"she sang as he sputtered in shock.

"You're sentimental enough to want your Bear and not a fake one, so if you want it back, in one piece that is, I'll be seeing you tomorrow. We're going to have so much fun. Sleep well, teddy bear baby," she cackled before hanging up.

Law's eyed narrowed. _You will pay dearly for this Eustass-ya. And you too Bonney-ya, right after I get Bepo back …_

The young surgeon settled into a fitful sleep, unable to relax without his bear. He had nightmares of Bonney and Eustass torturing his old friend…

Across town, a certain pinkette slept wonderfully, a white teddy bear curled up beside her as she dreamed of pizza and donuts.

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><p>So I've had finals. It kinda sucked. Check out my poll and review please.<p> 


	5. You've Got My Bear, I've Got You

29 reviews and 1,606 hits!

Failure again…

I do not own One Piece.

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><p><span>Voqou:<span> "Yeah but if he got Bepo so quick it would be over too soon. "

Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin: "Well when you sign up for a subscription, the bother/sister magazines of that magazine usually keep coming even when you cancel, hoping to get your money. Or Law keeps sending for them under Kidd's name…"

SunflowerIce: "Lol, we'll see how they handle it…"

evilsugarnazioverlord: "Thanks for the love. I like you penname btw."

tutiefruitie: "Thank-you. I will hopefully."

FlyingMonkiesAttack: "Lol, everyone seems to love that prank."

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><p>Plain Text<br>_Thoughts  
><em>*Footnote  
><strong>Singing<strong>

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><p>Law awoke to an empty feeling. Glancing at the clock, he found it to only be 5:11. He sighed, knowing he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.<p>

Instead, he showered, dressed, and left his apartment. Maybe a walk would help his nerves. Aimlessly, the brunette walked around town, thinking of possible ways to diffuse his current predicament. He had no idea what Bonney wanted but he knew it couldn't be good for him.

Stopping, he saw the familiar wrought iron gates of the Grandline Zoo. It was closed, but that wasn't going to stop Law from visiting Bepo. Hopping the fence with a graceful agileness most wouldn't expect from the skinny man, Law made his way to the polar bear habitat.

Looking down at his beloved friend, he jumped the railing and walked over to the sleeping bear. He reclined against the bear's soft fur and began to rant.

"Hey Bepo. So captain asshole and this pig woman have stolen your mini-doppelganger from me." He refused to call it a stuffed animal…

he sighed, a forwn gracing his lips. "And now she is making demands. I will not grovel for her entertainment. But she's got me in quite the bind," he tiredly explained. "Any ideas?" the young doctor asked with a sigh.

The bear yawned and snuggled further into the ground. It was too early to be up in the bear's mind. Law smiled and scratched Bepo's ears.

"You always know just what to say don't you Bepo? If I 'yawn', feigning indifference to her torment, the value of her revenge will dissipate. That's what got her so upset in the first place: my apathy to her revenge. Thanks old friend," he said, ruffling the bear's shaggy fur. Bepo smiled in his sleep while Law took a short cat nap with his old buddy.

Law had spent several summers as a kid working for the zoo in their junior high achievers program. One day an abandoned polar bear cub was brought in. The thing was tiny and lots of work but because of all the time Law spent caring for it, Bepo, as he became to be called, was incredibly loyal to the young man. Knowing what parental abandonment felt like, Law quickly developed a strong bond with the bear. _Bonney-ya you will pay for harming Bepo. No one messes with my bear._

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><p>It was after a long day at work that Law made his way to Bonney's house. Kurhea had been on his ass all day…and he didn't have the energy to fight back. He got virtually no sleep last night.<p>

At lunch he decided to talk with his friends about the bear. Turns out they did know but saw no reason to tell him they knew.

The duo exchanged nervous glaces. "We figured if you hid it during the day you didn't want us to see you with it. But one night we heard some weird noise so we went to wake you up and we saw the bear…" Casquette hastily explained, hoping his friend wasn't mad.

Law only nodded, sighed, and made his way to the door, ignoring the questioning gazes of his friends.

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><p>It was nearing nine when the young doctor arrived at Bonney's abode. Covering up his anger and annoyance, he rang the doorbell, and awaited his torture.<p>

A demon in pink answered his call. "Hiya teddy bear boy," she goaded, tossing her pink hair over her shoulder, a greedy grin already present on her face.

"Nice to see you to, Bonney-ya," Law calmly drawled out.

"Get inside," she ordered harshly, hands on her hips.

Law strode after the pinkette throughout lavish hallways, finally settling in a large dining area. How fitting she would choose a place to eat at.

She sat at the head of the table with a laptop and said, "Do the teddy bear dance."

Law cocked an eyebrow. "I'm afraid I don't know that one…" he lazily replied. _Your revenge is childish…_

"That's fine, you can watch a how to video on youtube," she said pulling up the appropriate webpage in an instant.

Law cocked an eyebrow. It seemed like she planned on his excuse…_Eusatass-ya_, he thought bitterly.

After watching the agonizing video, his tormentor set up her web cam and pointed at a spot right in front of her, as if he were her court jester.

Law sighed in disbelief. "You're doing all this because I stole a pizza from you?" he asked.

A vein throbbed in her head. "No you purposely pissed me off, you assfuck!" she yelled, pushing his down. Towering over him, she yelled "You stole my lunch and then deliberately came back the next day just to antagonize me!" she screeched, her fists balled up at her sides. _You got me in trouble! You made me go hungry! I hate you, you sadist pizza staling freak!_

"And when I pour hot pizza on you in retaliation, you smile and eat it anyway! You took the joy out of my revenge, you bastard! Who does that? !" Bonney finished, her eyes blazing, her teeth gnashed together like a wild predator, and her face flushed red in rage.

Law swallowed an imaginary lump a he took in the full picture of this angry siren. Without thinking, he replied, "A man who thinks anger is beautiful…"

Bonney froze, her eyebrows knitting in confusion, unable to comprehend what he meant. _Did he just call me beautiful in a round-about way? What is wrong with him? You can't go from I hate you, I'm going to torment you, to I think you're hot when you're mad… _She thought blushing slightly from the compliment nonetheless.

Seeing her shocked expression, he decided to clarify. "People are always trying so hard to be happy. The world is fucked up, but they'll try to stay calm," he said in a low deadly whisper.

"Hell they take classes, go to counseling, keep silent, resort to drugs; they'll do anything to avoid confrontations. It's sickening," hissed Law. _The madness of the masses and their need for everything to be perfect…it has destroyed all real human interaction. _

"They aren't even alive anymore. Always so nice and politically correct, caring about what people think about them-they are nothing more than dull mindless sheep begging for the slaughter," he offhandingly commented, as if he were discussing something mundane.

"You're twisted, you know that?" the pinkette answered softly, truing away from him. _So you piss people off to see pissed off people? Fucked-up idiot. _

"Says the woman holding a teddy bear hostage," he countered, standing up slowly. But as he did so, he got behind her, and pressed his scalpel to her throat. "Now Boney-ya, where's my bear?"

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><p>No internet and more crap than I care to think about. Read and review. ;P<p> 


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